Part of having a blog of this nature, is being transparent and vulnerable with others. I do not talk about my struggles in this area of my life very often let alone for all the world to see. But I know this is something that God wants me to share with you all.
In the last month, I have been feeling a restlessness about my singleness. Most days I am happy single, love where I am at in life and would not want it any other way. But this restlessness kept coming back off and on this last month. This was more than usual. New Years eve this year it all came to a head for me. I was feeling lonely and just sick of being single(I watched a Hallmark movie which didn’t help my feelings). Tired of doing life alone as a single woman. Instead of continuing to ruminate in it, I decided to have a heart to heart with God that night before I feel asleep. I laid in my bed with my journal and just poured my heart out to God. I wrote about the feelings that I was having for about the last month or so. And just gave it to Him and let Him love on me. Did this change my singleness? No. And yes I am sure I am still going to struggle with this from time to time. But by the end of writing several pages, I felt loved by my Father and not lonely.
Whether this part of my life will ever change, I am okay with this because I know who God says who I am! And He has an amazing journey planned for me. I also know that I would rather be in God’s will and be single than being out of His will and be married or in a relationship. And no circumstance or feelings I am experiencing will change that. This is a beautiful fact. This New Years eve I have learned to embrace my feelings but in that then give it to God rather than ruminate on it. I also relearned no circumstance or feeling is going to change who God says I am.