6. Broken

I remember the day that I had my way up call, I remember feeling so broken.  Like there wasn’t anything that could take all my broken pieces that I felt that day and make sense of them let alone put that back together.  I felt like glass that was shattered into a million shards of glass.  I wasn’t sure what to do with my brokenness that day.  Along with feeling broken, I felt empty and tired like there was not left in me anymore to give.  Looking back I realize that being broken is where He wanted me because it meant that I was at the end of my rope.  And I could no longer do anything to fix the broken pieces within me because I did not have the energy or the desire to do so.

In the midst of this broken feeling, I knew I needed to give the feeling of brokenness to God. I had to rely on Him completely. At this point with feeling the way I did that day, it meant that I was at the point that I was willing to surrender and possibly walk away from everything I knew career wise.  Because He was and is the only one that can take my broken, empty and tired self and make me whole again. I knew that He would start by taking my shatter pieces, putting them together to make sense of my brokenness and that it would eventually create a beautiful picture again.

“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

While giving to this feeling of brokenness to God, did not change anything physically and emotionally about my situation that day.  But it did mean that I did not have to walk alone through this journey of becoming whole again and that He is going to heal my brokenness.

“Even when times are rough and you are in ‘deep waters’ God will be right by your side, leading and guiding you through your worst.” Isaiah 43:2

 

***This is part of a series of blog posts of me sharing about my burnout and things I have been learning through this.  They are numbered in the order that they are written in and to indicate that they are part of this series.***

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