loved by the Father

A journey of being loved by the Father.

Complacency and Indecision

Complacency and indecision is something that can paralyze you.  It puts you in a prison in your own life.  There are many reasons as to why a person may be complacent or do not want to make a decision.  One of the main reasons is fear.  Fear can hold you back in life.  Sometimes this fear is based on our past experiences and other times it may because of what other people may say or think.  I have heard it said that fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.  And Satan will try to use fear to hold us back from what God has called us to do.  Because he knows the people we are going to impact and the life change that is going to happen because we stepped into something God has called us to.

There are times that God is calling us to wait on Him but many times God is asking us to step out in faith. And too often we will use our fear as an excuse of us not stepping out in faith.  We will mask it as we are waiting on God.  When in reality God could be like, “would you just do this?  I have great things in store for you.  And if you could only see the exciting journey I have for you if you would take this first step.”  Many times our fear will lead us to indecision and complacency.   Complacency and indecision kills growth.  It stunts the growth God may have in store for us.

God gave us the power to step past our fear and walk into victory and the exciting journey He has for us.  “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7.  Once we step past our fears there is an excitement and freedom that comes with it.  How is fear holding you back?  What is one thing you wish you would have done a year from today?  




“While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.

Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend.”

Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. With that, one of Jesus’ companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?  But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?”

In that hour Jesus said to the crowd, “Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I sat in the temple courts teaching, and you did not arrest me. But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.” Matthew 26:46-56

I read this passage this morning in my devotions. And after I read it, I started to think about the emotions Jesus went through in this moment.  Jesus built a friendship with a man who He knew that was going to betray him.  Jesus did this to fulfill His purpose on earth.

I had to think if I knew someone was going to betray or hurt me, I would stay away from this person and not build a friendship with this person.  But then I think to myself what if I knew building a friendship with someone who is going to betray/hurt me, will lead them to be introduced to His love or the friendship will lead them or me to their or my purpose in life.  Would this make the hurt and the betrayal worth it if this would happen?  While I am not advocating for us to willingly put ourselves in situations that we are going to be doormats and we are going to be abused.  What I am saying Jesus still chose to build a relationship with Judas, so that our sins can be forgiven.

Sometimes we are asked to do hard things in life.  Like show mercy and grace to a person who has betrayed us over and over again so this person can see the unconditional love of Jesus or to adopt a child that might have medical issues because of the choices of the biological parents.  While God does not call us to an easy life, we can have the comfort that He is with us in those hard moments of life.  And we are not doing it alone.

So what hard thing in life is God asking you to do?


Who are you? What is your identity in?  Most of us answer by describing our roles in life.  We have many roles we play in life.  For myself some of the roles are aunt, friend, daughter, photographer, sister, etc.  While the roles in my life are part of who I am and they are important to me, it is not where my identity lies.  If I find my identity in these roles I will not be satisfied.  Because I am finding my satisfaction in something that will always leave a void that only God can fill.  “The Bible says that our real problem is that every one of us is building our identity on something besides Jesus.” Timothy Keller

We sometimes answer this question not only with the roles that are in our lives.  But sometimes with our past or what has been spoken over us or labels given to us by others in our lives.  One example of this would be victim.  We sometimes are victims because of what has happened to us in our lives.  If we are not careful, it can become our identity.  When we think about who we are, we think about what has happened and this becomes who we are.  Many times when we are a victim, something is lost and we need to grieve that loss and the hurt.  And sometimes we can use their life circumstances to help others through similar situations.  But it should not be where our identity lies.

In my own life when I think about the question of who am I, too often the roles in my life come to mind.  Rather than where my true identity lies and that is in God and Jesus.

I am a daughter of the King.  He is my Father and Creator.  “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—” John 1:12  

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.” 1 John 3:1-2  

“For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith.” Galatians 3:26

I am His princess and I was accepted into a royal family when I chose Jesus as Lord over my life.  “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

I am a sinner saved by grace.  Jesus paid the penalty for my sin.  “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

I live in freedom and I am forgiven as a child of God.  “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—” Romans 6:6  

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1  

“For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.” Romans 5:10  

I am loved by a Father unconditionally no matter what I have been through and no matter what I do in my life.  His love for me is not contingent on my actions.  “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.” John 15:9

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

So I ask you again who or what is your identity in?  Is it in in our past or the roles that we fulfill in life or is it in our Creator who is the only one that can fill those voids we have?






It seems I have been hearing this word again and again in the last couple weeks.  It is to the point now that I am wondering what God is trying to tell me.  Many times when God is trying to tell or teach us something that word or phrase or concept keeps being brought into your life in many different ways.

About two weeks ago my Pastor, showed a video and there was a sentence that stuck out to me.  “God made me for a purpose and when I delight in Him it’s brought to the surface!”  Made for Something Great by James Grocho.  In the Old Testament delight was used these two ways: Two of the most common Hebrew terms for delight are hepes [,pej], “to bend towards, to be inclined towards [an object or person], ” and rasa [h’x’r], “to delight or take pleasure in.”  In the New Testament delight was used in this way:  The Greek word most commonly used for “delight” is eudokeo [eujdokevw], usually used when God’s purpose, resolve, and choice are in view.  When we bend towards or are inclined towards God, it is in those moments that He reveals to us what purpose He created us for.

This past weekend, I went on a retreat with about 36 other young adults who love Jesus and have a love for snow and community.  The theme for this weekend was drawing near to our Creator.  Someone shared Joseph‘s story for devotions one night.  Joseph was sold by his own brothers into slavery.  He was betrayed by his master’s wife and was put into prison.  While he was in prison, he interpreted dreams for his fellow prison mates.  Because of this Joseph was taken out of prison by Pharaoh, King of Egypt, to interpret  Pharaoh’s dreams.  Joseph then was given a position in authority by the King to make sure that Egypt had enough of food for the 7 years of famine.  Because of the famine, his brothers came for food in Egypt and Joseph had the opportunity to forgive his brothers for selling him into slavery.  And this person at the retreat pointed out that Joseph had to go through what he went through to be brought into the purpose that God created him for.

As I thought about how this last phrase and what Joseph had to go through be in God’s purpose.  It made me realize if it wasn’t for what I had not gone through as a child, I would not be where I am today.  There was a chain of events that followed me through my childhood and into adulthood that brought me where I am today.  Today I believe I am in my purpose that God created me for.  In college I realized my purpose in my life is to provide hope to people who are sometimes in their darkest times.  And this hope starts with the unconditional love of our Father and Jesus.

Sometimes we have to go through tough times in life to bring us to our purpose and the reason we were created for.  So instead of being focused on asking God why bad things or tough things happen in our life, draw near to our Creator and look for the beauty that can come from ashes.  And in the days you can not see this beauty or your purpose because life is overwhelming. Look to your Father and ask Him to provide a glimmer of hope that you can hold onto.

A Gentleman

Recently I read Matthew 19:26, in this verse it states that with God all things are possible.  After reading this, I began thinking about situations in my friends and families’ lives.  These situations had a common dominator, people are making decisions in their lives that are destructive.  These decisions are hurting others in their lives.  And my thought after reading this verse was, “God, you have the power to make people change.  Why don’t you?  It would create less hurt.”

God’s answer to me was the answer of a gentleman.  He said “because I do not force myself on others.”  I am glad I serve a God who is a gentleman.  Because let’s face it I do not do well if someone forces a decision on me, nor do most people.  And if God would force us to make decisions or if he made all our decisions then we would just be mere puppets.

God has given us choice.  He allows to choose if we are going to accept the gift of grace that He offers us.  As much as I wish these individuals who are making these destructive decisions, would see God’s grace and what freedom they could have if they would allow God change their heart.  I can not make this choice for them or I can not make them make a different choice.  The only I can do is love these people and show them what unconditional love looks like.  God’s love is what changes hearts.  And we should build relationships with others in the context of showing His love.  A saying that we use at work fits well with this.  “No significant change happens outside a significant relationship.”  So who do you need to spend time with to show the love of a heavenly Father who loves them more they could imagine?


Who will hurt for the little girl
that has been hurt so many times?

Who will hurt for the little girl
that sees the abuse and represses it to move on?

Who will hurt for the little girl
that sees hope in the future but doesn’t believe she deserves that hope?

Who will hurt for the little girl
that is crying out?

Who will hurt for the little girl
that wants to look past her past and not live in it?

Who will hurt for the little girl
that doesn’t believe she deserves what she has been given and what she will be given in the future?

Who will hold the little girl the next time she has been hurt?
I will.

Who said I will?
Me, Your Father, and I always will and always have whether you knew it or not. Your not alone despite your belief. 

This poem I wrote when I was in college as I started to began to deal with affects of my past.  Sometimes we need to just know that God is there holding us in the midst of pain and the tough times in life.  It is in this comfort, He gives us peace for the situation we are going through.  It is in His unconditional love for us that we have the strength to keep going.  And the hope for a better future.  In His love, healing happens if we allow Him to heal that hurt.  So whatever your going through know that you have a Heavenly Father that loves you more than you can imagine.  And He wants to walk through this journey called life with you.  We are not created to live life alone.  


Last week my Pastor was preaching on the woman at the well (John 4:1-18).  He was talking about her history and where she was at that point in her life.  This woman was ridiculed by people in her community.  Because of this she would go to the well when no one else was there.

One thing that my Pastor brought up was this woman may have quit dreaming and thinking that her future could be better than what it was.  But one day Jesus met her at the well and changed her life.  My Pastor then asked us “did you quit dreaming.”  This question got me thinking.  I realized in the last couple years I somewhat quit dreaming. And when I did dream I would think of a reason why it wouldn’t work.  I also had become complacent in my life especially professionally.  I put my own ceiling on my career and my life.  But by doing this I put limits of myself and on God.

But with some changes in the last couple, this has caused me to start dreaming again.  And  this week, I was challenged to reflect over the last couple years and where my mindset was at that time.  This reflection has made to start dreaming with limits because I serve a God who is limitless.  I am no longer going to look at my dreams through the lens of my past failures and hurts.  I am excited to dream again and continue making my dreams come true.

What dreams are you not pursuing because of your past, your current circumstances or the limits you put on yourself?  So start dreaming, let the Father run with your dreams and take you to places you never imagined.




Part of having a blog of this nature, is being transparent and vulnerable with others.  I do not talk about my struggles in this area of my life very often let alone for all the world to see.  But I know this is something that God wants me to share with you all.

In the last month, I have been feeling a restlessness about my singleness.  Most days I am happy single, love where I am at in life and would not want it any other way.  But this restlessness kept coming back off and on this last month. This was more than usual.   New Years eve this year it all came to a head for me.  I was feeling lonely and just sick of being single(I watched a Hallmark movie which didn’t help my feelings).  Tired of doing life alone as a single woman.  Instead of continuing to ruminate in it, I decided to have a heart to heart with God that night before I feel asleep.  I laid in my bed with my journal and just poured my heart out to God.  I wrote about the feelings that I was having for about the last month or so.  And just gave it to Him and let Him love on me.  Did this change my singleness? No.  And yes I am sure I am still going to struggle with this from time to time.  But by the end of writing several pages, I felt loved by my Father and not lonely.

Whether this part of my life will ever change, I am okay with this because I know who God says who I am!  And He has an amazing journey planned for me.  I also know that I would rather be in God’s will and be single than being out of His will and be married or in a relationship.  And no circumstance or feelings I am experiencing will change that. This is a beautiful fact.  This New Years eve I have learned to embrace my feelings but in that then give it to God rather than ruminate on it.  I also relearned no circumstance or feeling is going to change who God says I am.


The Waiting Place

This is something that I wrote a little over 3 years ago.  Thought I would share this with y’all.

God has been teaching me patience and to wait on his timing.  Until recently, I feel like I was in the waiting place(according to Dr. Seuss) for a long time and in many ways I am still in the waiting place.  Excerpt from Oh The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss:

“You can get so confused

that you’ll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or waiting around for a Yes or a No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.”

It is in this waiting place that we often get impatient and frustrated with God and life. And  we ruin what God may have in store for us.  Granted God can use all situations even if its not in His plan for His glory.  But where we may end up might not be as good as God intended us to be.  We humans have a way of getting in the way of God because we think that we know best for us.  But in reality the creature(us) does not see the whole picture like the Creator(God) does.  So how can we know what is best for us over the Creator that created us into existance.

Sometimes we need to stay in this waiting place for God to prepare us for something greater than we can imagine.  The waiting place is not an easy place to be but it is in that waiting place we can experience the peace and love of our Creator.  Even though we may have no idea what is going to happen next.  In uncertain times there can be peace and joy because we have our Creator walking beside us in life.  Do I have life all figured out?  Nor will I ever on this earth but I do know that I am a child of God.  Who has a God that loves me more than I can imagine and fathom.  (It still amazes me that God would love me and that He wants a personal relationship with me with millions of people on this earth.)  And I would rather be in the waiting place with my Creator than on my own.  We need to sit back allow God to do the work and be ready to follow His calling for our lives out of the waiting place.

Ordinary Moments

This morning we had some snow and ice.  While ice is beautiful to look at, it can be dangerous.  Through out the morning my roommate’s dog, Neah, wanted to go outside.  I would go to the door and open it for Neah to go outside. But she would just stand there, look at it and refuse to go outside .  After a few times of repeating this process, I became annoyed.

As I continued to drip pretzels in chocolate, I wondered what life lesson I could learn from Neah.  The thought came to me I wonder how many times we do this to God.  How many times has He asked me to go ahead and trust him on something.  But I just stood there, look at it and refused to trust Him because I was scared.  Or how many times has He showed me something beautiful ahead in my life but for this beautiful thing to happen in my life I had to change or step out in faith.   But I didn’t do this because I did not want to go through the pain of change or I thought I knew better for myself.

Sometimes in life God wants to show us something in life’s simplest moments.  We just have to pay attention or we will miss them.  What does God want teach you in your ordinary moments?


“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” – The Christian Recorder of March 1862

I remember hearing this saying as a child and I am sure I used it several times myself.  But as an adult, I started to think about the meaning and the implication of this saying.  Reality is that words can hurt and can be painful.  And once said they can not be unsaid.

This week there was a wildfire in Gatlinburg, Tennessee that destroyed many acres of forest, homes and businesses.  There was a lot of damage done by this fire and the damage will take a long time to clean up from.  While fire is something that can be so beautiful it can be so devastating also.  I liken this to our words we say.  Words can be used to encourage and build up others or ourselves.  But they can also be used to tear down and hurt others.  And if words are used to tear down and hurt others, the affects can be there for many years.  Sometimes we replay those words ourselves and we still hear them many years later.   In many cases healing can take many years.  James talks about this very thing.

“A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!” – James 3:3-10

When speaking to others, we should be speak with purpose.  This purpose would be to speak in love to others and to point others to our Father.


Good Good Father

“I love you, Marilyn!  You are my daughter.  I have chosen you.  I have loved you before you were born.  Nothing changes this love – nothing you do, nothing that has been done to you and nothing you struggle with.  No matter how many times you doubt me, no matter how many times you don’t trust me or no matter how many walls you think you have between you and me. I am your Father! I love you more than you can imagine!”

It seems this is a reminder God has to give me every once in a while.  As someone once told me sometimes we have be reminded of the simple things over and over again in our relationship with God.  One of these lessons for me is that He loves unconditionally and He is not going to let me down or hurt me.

In the last year, I have learned He is a good Father.  This started with a conversation with my pastor.   In a conversation, my pastor brought up that I see my heavenly Father through the same lens as my earthly father.  Realizing this made realize that I do not see my heavenly Father the way I should.  Yes, there were many times I trusted Him and there were many times I had faith in Him.  But then there were many other times I would try to do life on my own.  Because I thought I had to because of the earthly father figures in my life who have let me down or have hurt me.  It boiled down to me thinking I could only depend on myself.  And this created a very independent spirit in me.  While being independent is not entirely wrong, it is not always conducive when you’re in a relationship. Especially with your Creator.  There were many times I would (and still do) mess things up in life because I thought I could or had to do it on my own.

As I worked through this part of my journey this year, there were times it seemed like I was never going to get it.  But then there was a point where I realized I had started to grasp this.  I was in an interview (for my current job) when I was asked what was one thing God has taught me in the last year.  The only thing that came to my mind was that He is a good Father.  As I told the interviewer my answer, there was the start of tears in my eyes of joy.  It was in that moment I realized I believed these words He had been telling me over and over again in the last year!

I know I will need to be reminded of as I continue to deepen my relationship with my heavenly Father.  I know there will be times that I try to rely on myself and not on my Heavenly Father because that is my tendency.  But in those moments I am reminded His grace is there for me and will continue to be there.

This song is something I have held onto in the last year as I have walked this part of my journey.  Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin ft. Pat Barrett

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