9. Trying to Hide my Brokenness

While I was in it, especially in the last year, I knew life was hard but I thought I was dealing with it ok.  If you had asked me, “how are you doing?”  I would have probably say “ok” or “good” and I truly believed that.  The funny thing I thought I was carrying it well and that I was fooling the people around me.

4. “I’m tired.”

My job was to empower them through these moments, show them hope in the hopeless situations and provide resources for them to move forward in life.  

While I was doing helping others dream for themselves, inside over time I had quit dreaming.  I had allowed life to stifle my creativity.  I had allowed my own exhaustion to take over when I had down time.

Enough

But through this all I still struggled with myself and the direction that God has called me to.  I struggled with myself because I love my career in social work and the community I work in.  And I love visual storytelling and photography especially with elderly.  There was this tension between the two because I felt that if I leave social work I am leaving a career that I have built and love for over 10 years.  And I was letting myself and others around me down by leaving social work.  But I knew that if I did not see where my business might go that I was going to regret that and I could not live with that.

A Decade of Lessons

I didn’t know exactly what I was getting into when I started working in social services.  You see I kinda stumbled on this field.  When I was in college, I started out as a business management major.  I loved business and still do to this day but it didn’t feel like the right fit. I met with a career advisor at my college and I was asked “Would you rather work with people or numbers?”

The costs of being jaded

And I almost wore this jaded filter as a badge of honor.  I thought it was okay to view my clients that I worked with through this jaded filter.  In some ways, I thought I was being wise when I looked at my clients with this jaded filter.  I remember telling a coworker that I can tell she is early on in her career because of the hope and optimism that she has in a situation with a client.